not here anymore
I never had a dream come true
Really don't know how to go about doing this.. it's tough. i feel there is this sense of understanding.. just need us to confirm it.. then where do we go from there? Need to get it out soon.
What should i do? It's really hard ya know.. Words can't describe. don't want to lose it.. pursue hard? keep it going? Yes. Ok, willl try harder. but it's really damn hard, just hit me.. the vastness of my task.. what i want. i really want to get it right. But how to get the message across? or is the msg already there.. need to spend some time more. as in alone yah... don know how ... feels. Need to make things clear, i need the opportunity to.
Just came back from VJ piano concert.. performance was quite good, but that wasn't the main thing... Thank God everything went quite well. Of course, as usual, some stuff could have been better done. Nevetheless was good, need more.
calms me down a little.. tomorrow can't come fast enuff.. These days, i just want the day to fly past, then i won't have to do anything much.. just get carried by time itself. Well, it's been a feeling-less ride so far.. not that it's bad or anything.. must say i might even be enjoying it.. hmm. Still kinda affcted by what happened today.. And wth, my dad heard it on news.. i thought this sort of things should be kept down.. how did it get on bloody news? Screw it. feeling perplexed about the whole thing.
Still scares the shit out of me.. and the air of uncertainty isn't helping a bit. and there's some expectation along with it.. arrgh, not easy at all. can't breathe. time ticking by, i don't know what to do. Maybe i do, just that i can't do it.. and why can't i do it? Just doesn't come, damn. I dunnoe how i'm gonna survive. damn damn damn. damn. but then, when you had fallen so many times, what do you expect? It'll take something to make you walk again...
makes one think about life. how we choose to live it.. i believe we have a choice in what happens, but i understand sometimes, things aren't in our control, and some things just aren't as simple.. But it's about time we sat back and thought about what are the important tings for us, what really matters to us.. thinking alone is useless, we must treasure those around us, make full use of time spent with them.. it sorta gives me a different outlook to life.. there is nothing that cannot be solved.. since there is a problem, there has to be an answer, a way out.. i mean, a lock would have a key, just that sometimes we need to find it. We've got to learn something from this all. have to get our priorities right. that's damn important..
Bad day in school.. the whole school in silence.. but after what happened, sigh. Actually din want to talk about it, but.. cuz dunnoe what went wrong. Ok, i give up speculating.. Fuck the school system, way too much pressure. Anyhow, something like that is kinda irresponsible behaviour.. ok, i'll stop. in no position to talk about it. But, it's scary.. really feel for those around her.. terrible thing to happen. the world's already dark enough. Please never let such a thing happen ever again.. guess we'll have to look out for each other yah. God bless all.
Hmm, can't tell what's in store for me.. really feeling unsure, damn uncertain.
Amazed by mr lee's diao-ing of dr chan.. way to go. anyway, just hope he doesn't guai-lan me yah.. he won't lah, in lecture.. haha. Oh, and i don't understand 99% of chemical kinetics.. ok, maybe i understand 3% of it.. haha. really sux. but then chee keong says it's aabout the hardest topic in a-level chem.. hope he's right there.. any tougher and i might as well.. and of course, still ahven't got a clue about gravititional chapter for physics, and can't do tut cuz i don have it.. arrgh, not that i would know how to do anyway, so there. Nah, just the screwed up way my life is..
You know what, i'm really just passing each day.. wandering around, lost. dunnoe where to turn, where to look, how to go about. And this is how i'm going through each day in school, and maybe that's also why the days don't seem so long these days. Hmm. I never seem to learn the lesson do i? But i guess it's just the way life is.. or maybe it's just me choosing to think this way.. Do i always have to wait until the end to regret everything.. Dammit, the screwed up way i am..
Yeah, maybe i don't know how to zuo4 ren2.. always beeen like that. can't do the right thing at the right time. but at least i'm trying, and i feel i'm getting there.. Whoa, still the "where am i ?" feeling...
Don't get your hopes too high, cuz they might just come crashing down.
Ha well, did my first blood donation today. Wasn't as bad as it looks.. nowhere near.. But dunnoe why i did it.. hmm, maybe i was inspire by some ad.. watever, was just numb to everything now, so i relly do not know what i'm doing these days, everything's a blur.. and it's cuz i'm trying to shut out everything, as in everything, so much so that i lost track of all.. it's scary when you don't know what you're doing, where you're heading, just waiting for it all to end.. At least got to slack lect and tut.. and do some good at the same time, so yeah. Seriously, i feel i should be doing more work.. but can't concentrate, can't do nothing.. sheesh. Hmm, no training tomolo, bad. Out-of-touch, and what's more, the coach's coming soon.. screwed. fitness low, need to improve skill-wise too.. damn. come on man.. and speaking of being out-of-touch, yes, pool. Need to re-find how to play.. so yeah, let's go play yah.. og outing pls. i'm dying..
So, got a BABE for common test.. cool huh.. not bad. Anyway, was hoping for a miracle for bio, or maybe this is already a a miracle? Ha, ok. Need to keep up and continue to do more work.. slowly. Well, promos will be more stress, and need to get A to do s-papers.. hmm. pressure. and C for bio?? How hard. will have to start work now.. which is like how hard..
Hmm, now i think that love at first sight doesn't work does it? I can't say for sure, but i mean, it just doesn't make too much sense and it's got a too-good-to-be-true feeling to it.. watever. cuz i used to think such things are possible.. guess they are but wth.. Anyway, it struck me how impt school actually is.. cuz it kinda determines wat you'll be next time.. and from there, how much you'll earn and what you'll ultimately achieve in life.. but then again, of course, school isn't everything.. things can still change much anytime.. and that's something i've learnt.
There's no use looking back or wondering
